Sexual Incompatibility
 

Frequent letters are received commenting upon the subject matter of the author's previous books. For the most part they come from educated readers of comfortable circumstances who thank us for giving the public an informative text on a subject about which, heretofore, little of practical value has been written for the layman. Since these communications are usually the same in tone, it may prove advantageous to quote one of these in paraphrased form, a precaution taken to protect the identity of the sender. Readers will then see that others are confronted with their identical problems.

Gentlemen:

Your publisher has been requested to send you this letter. Actually, I cannot improve on what has already been printed on the jacket of your book.

Since I have been married nearly 20 years, I am hardly a youth, but I believe a person is never too old to learn.

Unfortunately, it is impossible for the average man to size up the sexual qualities of his future wife as he can her intellectual and social ones, all of which have a definite bearing on the success of matrimony.

Throughout many of the long years of my marriage, I tried t6 excuse the lack of sexual harmony existing between us on the grounds that I must give my wife time to get used to the idea of sexual relationships; that, perhaps, it was my fault. But this philosophy is no longer valid. She is passive, unresponsive, but dutiful. Experimentation in our early wedded life was disagreeable to her. Occasionally, just before a period, a satisfactory relationship occurs. But this is a rare event.

I have been forced to conclude finally that I am not to blame, just as I have been forced occasionally to take up with temporary mistresses. These relationships were always satisfactory to both parties. I never maintained them over prolonged periods, because I would do nothing to disturb my marriage. But during these intervals a varied sexual activity was engaged in, and I discovered oral connection to be a common practice with women with any degree of passion. This is out of the question with my wife. What little response she has is purely conventional.

I know I have remained with her all these years because I love her. She is a good mother and housewife. But as a sweetheart, she is a failure.

I know too, there are others in the world in the same position I am. Being a traveling man, I have discussed the situation many times in an evening spent in a hotel lobby. We are unfortunates with no sexual compatibility in our lives as may be found in other partnerships. Occasionally, now, I still seek diversion. Even "Gall Girls" have certain charms that undoubtedly only too many wives could adopt for the betterment of home life. My present feeling toward my wife is largely one of obligation for having spent so many years with me.

Thank you for the contents of your book. Many others, I know, have gained as much from reading it as I have. Perhaps sexual compatibility can only come with the right girl at the right time."

This is a tragic letter, made more so by the unnecessary circumstances that led up to it. Although it is probably now too late for an adjustment it was not too late in the beginning.

Clearly the writer is an educated man, a decent man with good ethical standards, a respect for his wife, and a strong regard for the obligations of matrimony. Only those who are either naive or live an unnatural existence will criticize his occasional philanderings. It has been forced upon him as it would be forced upon most men given similar opportunities. There is no point in saying he should have withstood temptations of the flesh. The flesh has been made purposely weak to combat abstention in this respect and assure the perpetuation of the race. Furthermore, a craving that remains unsatisfied day after day must eventually seek satisfaction.

In our younger years sexual hunger plays a dominant role in our lives. It is a constant force to be controlled lather than destroyed. Control is intended. It is too powerful a factor not to require some measure of restraint. We read constantly in newspaper headlines what occurs when sex runs amuck. The result is rape and murder. Consequently, everyone, regardless of sexual demands must exercise a definite control over his impulses. But this does not mean suppression. It merely means intelligent restraint, which can be imposed in various ways without interfering too greatly with sexual gratification.

It must never be assumed that the author regards the sexual urge as the major factor in a matrimonial partnership. Most important by far is the spiritual element. This pronouncement is made not for the purpose of seeking ecclesiastical approval but because it is absolute fact. The writer of the foregoing letter himself proves this when he says, "I know I have remained with her all these years because I love her." Even a serious complaint of almost twenty years duration, hasn't sufficient strength to force him to abandon a good and faithful wife, though, perhaps, a thoughtless one. Had he been a less determined man, as too many men are, his marriage would have dissolved long ago.

But next to the spiritual, the need for sexual gratification is the most powerful secondary factor in our lives. It bears the relationship of oil to gasoline in the operation of a car. An automobile can run longer without oil than gas. But eventually the lack of a lubricant will impose it's penalty. Something snaps or burns, and the car is halted despite a full tank of fuel—the major ingredient.

No reader should make the mistake of thinking that the foregoing letter represents an isolated case. Nor should one delude himself or herself into believing that it typifies no more than a tiny fraction of matrimonial relationships. The letter speaks for the condition existing in the majority of marriages, marriages held together only by economic necessity. Divorce is expensive.

How, then, does a couple go about correcting this unfortunate situation? They start by taking for granted at the very outset of marriage that sooner or later the powerful urge of sex will introduce serious complications into their wedded life; complications often sufficient to bring about divorce. They start also by realizing that the perfect marriage is rare—so rare, in fact, it is no exaggeration to say that total harmony is non-existent. No one, absolutely no one, can state truthfully that five, ten, fifteen, or fifty years of wedded life has failed to manufacture some sort of friction serious enough to create periods of deep unhappiness.

But in addition to the friction resulting entirely from human contrariness, other types of irritations intrude and further complicate married life. It may be another man or woman, the mortgage, the old car, a problem child, the loss of a job, or a hundred other ills. All these can and do upset the balance of domestic harmony and lead to acts of inconsideration that would not occur but for such outside problems. When all of these various influences are combined, it is not at all surprising that divorce or separation assumes alarming proportions. Nor is too much imagination required to approximate the more stupendous increase that would result, finances permitting.

The marriage ceremony anticipates something of the grimness of the future when both hopefuls swear before God to take each other "for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; until death do them part." It contains no optimistic phrases or sentiments. It is a matter of vows. Human experience has revealed the marriage path to be an uncertain one; so uncertain, in fact, that those traveling over it are forced by oath to remain together.

Closely bound together by matrimony, then, are two inter-dependent forces—spiritual love and sexual love. Regarding the spiritual, no established rules can be set down to cover every specific act in which we may engage. We may find ourselves at some time involved in undreamed-of situations. But with respect to the sexual side of our lives, the solution is far simpler. Definite complications can be anticipated and a procedure prescribed that will prevent their occurrence.

Consequently, regardless of the optimism and certainty with which everyone faces the altar, the newly wedded couple must reconcile themselves to the fact that sooner or later one partner will sexually fail the other unless immediate steps are taken to prevent it. In most instances the wife will disappoint the husband, particularly in later years. It is, therefore, the male's first step to adapt his wife to the sexual environment that will constantly surround her. His failure to do this makes him fully responsible for any sexual incompatibility that may subsequently enter his married life. The writer of the foregoing letter evidently neglected to do this.

But no criticism attaches to him. In his youth, he lacked the knowledge born of experience. But what youth has it? What youth can have it? A boy's parents are probably as ignorant of the facts of life as the son. More than likely the father, himself, is a victim of sexual discontent. If so, he is either reluctant to discuss the matter with his boy, or feels his case is an exception to the general belief that most marriages are sexual successes—when they are, in fact, sexual failures. Furthermore, there are no adequate educational courses on the subject; nor are there adequate texts for the laymen.

Consequently, it is to be expected that any youth will take for granted that a sexual relationship, because it is a universal indulgence, is also a mechanical one. This ignorance is the root of the evil. On the contrary, satisfactory sexual association requires thoroughly scientific practices if any degree of permanent harmony is to follow.

There are warnings all along the road of matrimony. Not only must one be able to read them; he or she must also be able to anticipate them. It is not a picturesque highway. The plan of it never varies. Of course, certain side roads run off here and there, but these can be ignored. We are concerned only with the route taken by the vast majority of travelers. We will follow that road, observe its warnings, and pursue it safely to its end.

It must be realized that man and woman are for the most part, direct opposites. Not only are the two words themselves antonyms, but in their relationship man and woman stand in marked contrast to each other. Physically, man is strong, woman is weak. Intellectually, man is logical, woman is emotional. Morally, man is loose, woman is strict. Spiritually, man is hard, woman is soft. In the selection of other categories, it is the man who pursues and woman who is pursued, the man who gambles and the woman who insists upon security, the man who provides the income, and the woman who runs the home. This is the pattern, a perfect system of check and balance. The exceptions do not count. Numerically, they are only a small percentage of the whole.

Since in all other relationships this matter of opposites holds true, it should be expected that the same formula obtains in sexual relationship. It does, and we find that man by nature requires active and constant association in the practice of sex, while a woman inclines toward passivity and eventual lack of interest. Nor is this deniable on any basis of knowledge. Looking at the animal kingdom we find that the bitch, the mare, the doe, to mention just a few, are only periodically in heat while the male of the specie knows no such limitation. This is, of course, precisely as nature intended it. The male has been selected to plant the seed at every opportunity. The perpetuation of the specie depends on it. Man and woman are not excepted.

Man, however, has been endowed with qualities and abilities not possessed by the lower orders. He is expected by the Creator to utilize these gifts for their intended purposes. Man must use judgment. But this alters neither man's nor woman's basic position in the scheme of things. Sexually, he is essentially active, she passive. This, of course, is as it should be. Were both man and woman constantly in a sexual mood, overpopulation would surely become a problem. Were they both equally restrained, underpopulation would result. But as it stands the system of check and balance follows through. Woman is the moderating influence.

It becomes obvious, then, that sooner or later a wife by her very endowment is going to interpose a barrier to the sexual demands of her husband. It may or may not be beyond her control, it may be conscious or unconscious, it may be deliberate or unintentional. But unless a man is married to a member of the sexual minority, the average wife will eventually bring him periods of sexual disappointment.

With this certainty facing him, a man must for his own sake, as well as his wife's, take steps long before the occurrences to modify a situation he cannot altogether prevent. He must, in short, insure the fact that the sweetheart he married forever remains one, in addition to becoming a wife. Only the male can do this, because it is not within a woman's power. Indeed, there are certain definite obligations that a wife owes to her husband. But unless she is unusually intelligent and thoughtful, even these will be overlooked unless brought to her attention.

Let us stop on the road over which we are traveling, and study a common warning sign. It may be somewhat concealed because there is intent to conceal. A husband must be alert and watchful for it. It concern's a wife's reluctance to dress and undress before her husband. Since she herself feels a twinge of guilt at the undue embarrassment experienced on these occasions, she attempts to be casual about her actions. Consequently, her husband sees nothing suggestive in them. The fact that she consistently dresses and undresses in the bathroom, leads him to believe she simply prefers to leave her underclothes there. She might have remarked, originally that she finds the bathroom warmer in the morning. If so, he does not wonder why she takes her underclothing there during the summer or in the early evening when they are preparing to go out. At these times the house is quite comfortable. Or why she always happens to turn her back when changing a brassiere, or to take shelter behind a closet door when removing her undergarments.

Of course, being a woman this behavior pattern is more instinctive than otherwise. Woman is by nature modest. Normally, she is self-conscious regarding anything in conflict with this innate distaste for nudity.

This would be perfectly acceptable if it extended no further. But unfortunately it does. If a reserve is maintained with respect to simple nakedness, certainly more binding restraints are likely to be applied at times of even greater intimacy—sexual relations. Precisely what these may be can vary, and are treated elsewhere in the book. It is sufficient to say at this point, that undue modesty in a minor situation forecasts a still greater example of it in a major one. Regardless of how normal this reaction may be at ordinary times, measures must be taken immediately to nullify it. It should be done by having a heart-to-heart talk, and it is suggested that a direct approach in line with the following take place some evening when both parties are completely relaxed and intend to spend a quiet evening at home.

"Grace," the husband might say by way of introduction, "let's have a little talk about something, something very important. Okay?" Grace will probably say, "Sure, of course."

The husband then goes on. "Now I want you to be perfectly frank. That's the important thing, frankness. Don't say 'Yes' or 'No' to anything unless you honestly mean it. Promise?"

Grace will answer, "I promise. What's it all about?"
"Well," her husband continues, "Tell me exactly how you feel about sex, about sexual intercourse. Do you feel that it is indecent, even the least little bit. Now think carefully/5

Grace, who will not want to admit even to herself that she is troubled at times, will ignore the request for frankness and say, "Of course, I don't feel it is indecent. It's a perfectly natural thing to engage in."

"That's really how you feel about it, is it?" her husband should go on. "You feel perfectly relaxed, perfectly at ease, not the slightest thing on your mind?"

Grace might hesitate very slightly at this point, so slightly that a hopeful mate might be inclined to overlook it, and then reply, "Well . . . yes. Why do you ask me?"

"I'll tell you in a minute. I just have a couple of more questions. How do you feel about nakedness, Grace. I mean in front of me. Does it embarass you?"

Grace will probably pause noticeably this time. Then, if she has any intention of being frank, she will answer, "Well ... yes it does."

Her husband then asks, "Why?"

"Well," Grace will probably reply, "I don't know exactly. I just feel funny about it."

"How?" persists her husband.

"Well," continues Grace, "I guess I'm just not used to going around without any clothes on in front of men."

"Yes, but I'm not 'men.' I'm your husband. After all, we don't have any physical secrets from each other. I know every square inch of you."

"I know," Grace will say, "But that's different. We're under the covers, the lights are out."

The husband continues. "But on our honeymoon the lights weren't always out. There were several afternoons. Remember?"

"Yes, but the covers were always up, if you remember."

The husband reflects and recalls that this is true.
"Well, Grace," he continues, "I'll tell you why I'm asking these questions. I don't care if you undress in the bathroom, or in the cellar, provided you have some other reason for it than just plain modesty. I'm not the gloating type, you know that."

Grace nods and her husband goes on. "I just want you to see sex in the right perspective, Grace. I don't want you to feel for an instant that anything we do in bed is wrong. I don't want you to feel that nakedness is indecent. There is nothing wrong whatever with any aspect of normal sex, and particularly between husband and wife. Take my word for it, Grace, there is nothing that you or I will do, that millions of other couples won't be doing."

"Well, I guess you're right."

"There's no guessing about it. Take the youngster. She doesn't hide behind the closet door or lock the bathroom everytime she takes a shower. She doesn't see anything wrong in walking around without any clothes on in front of her parents. She won't do it in front of anyone else, but she would be as self-conscious as you are right now if she were brought up to believe there is something indecent about a naked body. Do you follow me?"

"Yes."

"Let me ask you something else, Grace. How do you suppose this idea about nudity developed?"

"I don't know."

"It developed because of peoples' stupid idea concerning sex. Nudity is associated with sexual activity, and too many people always feel guilty when engaging in sex. It's as if they're doing something they're not supposed to do. Well, that's just as stupid. The very existence of the orgasm, the uncontrollable erection of the male, the sensitivity of the clitoris—all these things were created in us to make sure we'd have sexual relations. In other words we were trapped into it. Why should we fight it then? If nature were so opposed to it, she wouldn't have set this trap. That's only common sense, isn't it?"

"Well, yes."

"And while we're on the subject, let me ask you one more question. When we're having a relationship, do you let yourself go completely?"

"I suppose so. What do you mean?"
"I mean this. Do you try to keep from moaning or twisting too violently for fear that I might think it's strange, for fear that I might think you're over-sexed, for fear that I might think you are enjoying yourself too much?"

Grace might consider this question a few moments before answering. "Well, I suppose I do ... sometimes."

"All right, Grace, then let's have an understanding right now. I don't ever want you to exert any self-control again. And you should know this too. There isn't a man who doesn't enjoy a passionate woman. The more passionate she is, the more he enjoys her. The more likely he is, too, not to run around with other women, because another woman won't have any more to offer him than his wife. Can you understand that?"

Grace nods, and her husband continues. "And while we're at it, Grace, let's get this straight, too. I don't hesitate to make my feelings known when I'm in a sexual mood. But if you restrain yourself, because of some ridiculous idea that it's unladylike to let me know when you feel the same, I won't be able to detect it. It's just as much your duty to let me know when you want to be loved as it is mine to love you. Is that clear?"

"Yes."

"I hope it is, Grace, I hope you're just not taking this as some routine conversation. It's a very serious matter, very serious. Much of our future happiness can depend on it."

How many young men, or any married men, have ever held such a conversation with their wives? What makes a man think that it isn't necessary? What makes him believe the average woman feels or should feel precisely the same about such matters as he? Only his assumption that because he does, she does.

On the other hand, if the average man devoted even half as much time in reaching an early understanding with his wife as he subsequently spends attempting to badger her into intercourse when she is disinclined, a far more satisfactory relationship would exist among married couples today and in the future.

This chapter deals only with the restraint imposed by women upon themselves: restraint resulting from society's general attitude toward the sexual relationship. Another chapter discusses specific experiences that may have created sexual apathy in a woman.

Why should conversation of this nature be held early in married life, and why is it basic? We discover this as we proceed further along the road we have been traveling. Grace and Walter are now two years older. Walter, however, neglected to have a discussion of the character previously suggested. During the interval, the novelty of sex, the desire for frequent engagement, has diminished considerably. In fact, now that her appetite has been satisfied time and time again, Grace in her off moods sees a certain sordidness in the sexual picture. Why can't she and Walter watch television without the inevitable running of his hand beneath her dress or beneath her brassiere This constant inclination of his to be always fooling around has a certain amount of crudeness to it.

The fact is that Walter is not always doing this. For him, too, but only as far as Grace is concerned, the original heat of the honeymoon has reduced itself, but to a less limited degree. Grace is a woman. It should be expected that her sexual ardor will gradually diminish, though not her devotion. During the first three or four months of marriage Walter would attempt to arouse his wife at least every other night and meet no objection. Now, he is adjusted to a four night interval or an occasional three. To Grace, however, the periods seem considerably shorter.

Walter observes disappointedly that Grace assumes the most uncooperative positions on the divan when she doesn't select one of the chairs. Nor does she seem to encourage his intimacies as frequently as she used to. She is now very definite about saying, "Turn out the light, Walter." She never fails to wear her pajama pants and lay on her side as soon as she strikes the pillow. "It's not as easy to get at Grace at it used to be," muses Walter, but he still attributes much of it to coincidence. After all, when he is really aroused she cooperates satisfactorily enough.

Fifteen years pass; the travelers are now well along the road. They have a son of nine, daughters of twelve and three. For some reason Walter has not kept pace with the optimistic dreams of his youth. He isn't earning any more or any less than his neighbors, and, like them, he can't afford a maid for Grace. The girls seem to need more clothes than can reasonably be afforded, so Grace is always making something or other. The older youngsters get along just like any other brother and sister, and Grace's nerves are frequently worn thin from their constant bickering. Too often Walter finds a short-tempered wife when he returns from the plant in the evening. By the time the youngest child is asleep and the others quarrel their way to bed, Grace is so thoroughly exhausted, she can hardly wait to turn in.

But Walter is not without his aggravations. He's disgusted with office politics and far from happy with his salary. Many an evening he'd like nothing better than to relax with Grace in one of their more tender moods of former years. He knows, though, that she is tired and irritable, and he reflects upon the many times that this is the situation. Besides she no longer responds as readily to sexual stimulation. A woman must be both mentally and physically rested before she becomes susceptible to excitation. Walter meditates upon the infrequency of these occasions. Once in a while, following some social gathering and a few drinks, Grace does behave as in their early married life. But these are rare instances. Walter wonders what has happened and whether this state of affairs will continue. He is now only forty. Even at fifty he will still be vigorous sexually.

We follow the road for these ten years. Grace is now 48. Walter has finally attained a certain measure of financial security, but hardly in keeping with his once bright hopes. Their older daughter is married, the son is away at college, the youngest about to enter high school. At last Walter has managed to create a somewhat satisfactory sex life for himself. Of course, it does not revolve around Grace. A comfortable and sexually active widow of perhaps 38 now provides Walter with the type of society his wife denied him. Grace herself is still far from elderly. She accommodates Walter's less frequent amative demands with greater tolerance now that she has been relieved of the pure drudgery of the previous ten years. But it is a mechanical relationship. Grace is sexually apathetic. Indeed, given her choice, she would prefer to avoid sex entirely. Only a belated sense of duty motivates her on these infrequent occasions.

We must face it. This is the road most married couples travel on their sexual journey. Dull, unpicturesque, pitted with frustrations, alive with perilous possibilities. The solution lies in an alternate road; one with sturdy embankments that resist landslides, and firm paving that refuses to succumb to washouts. A wedded pair is well on this road when they reach the understanding previously discussed. Some men will, of course, insist and be absolutely right, that their wives at no time during the early period of their marriages ever showed the slightest reluctance to undress or appear in the nude. Nevertheless, these husbands will claim that their wives are cold today.

This can be perfectly true, but the germ of excess modesty was always lurking within those women precisely as it lurks in a varying degree in every woman, including the most brazen prostitute. But there is a reason why it did not make itself manifest immediately. First, one must consider the impression that most people have regarding intercourse; the impression that society as well as the home has forced upon them; the impression that all sexual relationship is indecent. Even the press enjoys nothing better than the opportunity to release news, the major ingredient of which is adultery or sexual intimacy of some type. Heads shake throughout the world at the appalling thought that "X" spent a certain night in bed with "Y". Of course, heads should shake, though not by reason of any sexual element involved, but because protected sexual machines lack the good taste to indulge their appetites privately.

We read of street walkers, and expensive call girls. It seems that these depraved creatures indulge in sexual intercourse! It makes no difference that if the reader asked why sexual relationship is a revolting activity, he would not receive an intelligent answer. The hypocrisies of our society do not permit it.

Think carefully before answering the following questions. Where has one read, or who has ever been told, that sexual intercourse, under any circumstances is a proper, necessary, healthy, normal function, and the principal objective of nature? Where does one read or hear that sexual intercourse was intended for pleasure, as well as perpetuation ; otherwise, why the provision for the orgasm, the most delightful of all sensations? Most of us, if not everyone, will find difficulty in producing a shred of evidence giving wholehearted approval to the sex act. Parents approach the subject with embarrassment. One can hear the echo of a mother's voice advising her daughter, "So, Evelyn, as John's wife, you will owe him your sexual society. This is your wifely obligation."

Indeed, a most intelligent observation and a laudable sentiment, but why instill in the mind of a girl that the sex act is merely a debt due her future husband and not also a pleasure? Why not say something like this?

"So, Evelyn, do not hesitate at any time to make your sexual desires known to John, as he will make them known to you. It is the most delightful of all physical relationships, so enjoy it while you have the youth for it. You won't have it always."

No mother talks in this vein to her daughter. She is, herself, oppressed with guilt and fearful less the girl assume that she, her mother, enjoys a healthy sex life. The entire discussion is laden with apology for a union that is the consummation of the love and devotion of two persons for each other.

How, then, can any husband expect a wife to come to him always relaxed in her mind if she considers intercourse an act to be engaged in only at times of overwhelming passion, or strictly as a duty! Yet, deep within the subconscious of almost every woman, if not active in the conscious, is this unhealthy attitude toward sexual enjoyment for its own sake.

If, then, she appears in the early periods of marriage to be without certain inhibitions, it is only because the novelty of intimacy and passions not yet thoroughly appeased have temporarily buried her doubts, much in the manner than a man will rationalize murder in the heat of anger and deplore it in the sober light of reaction.

Therefore, no husband can allow himself to be misled by initial sexual abandonment on the part of his wife, nor should she allow herself to be deceived by her earlier physical reactions and assume that the future will be a continuous series of excitedly awaited sexual climaxes. She, as well as he, must realize that the early stage of marriage is only temporary. She must condition herself to recall the fact, if a fact it is, that their previous relationship was by no means unpleasant to her. Strangely, prior sexual associations are to the average woman similar to labor pains. Both are quickly forgotten.

On the other hand, it is up to the husband to draw these facts to her attention and to provide the stimulation that will make their future sex life, at least, a perfectly agreeable one, if not an existence of continuous sensuality. In this word "agreeable" is the crux of the matter. This is the most the average married man can hope to accomplish. To do this, he must be a capable lover, and capability is not inherent. It must be acquired. A husband need only follow the procedures outlined here as he would a blue print, to insure the fact that, regardless of his wife's sexual make-up, his performance will be beyond criticism.

At this point the following question may arise: if, as the author has asserted, a woman's sexual feeling is fore-ordained to diminish, how can anyone prevent the operation of a seemingly fixed natural law? The answer is this: it is done by conditioning. If, from the time of marriage, sexual intercourse can be recalled by a wife always as a pleasant experience, no reason exists to avoid it. Even though her need for satisfaction is no longer as strong as her husband's, she has been conditioned to realize that proper stimulation will arouse her beyond the point of apathy and to actual desire. If, however, always occupying the forepart of her mind, is the half-guilty feeling that some illicit, degrading, impure, or unholy act is being committed, it is easy to see that only apathy and actual distaste will result.

If, then, we combine with this, a crude, selfish sexual performance by a sexually uneducated husband; one with careless habits of personal cleanliness, or whose desire is inflamed on occasion by drunkenness—who can fail to understand the increasing dislike for sexual union by an already indifferent wife?

It might be well to emphasize a condition of which, thanks to advertising, everyone should be conscious, but yet at times will overlook. Chronic bad breath, the cause of which is unknown and for which there is no cure at the present time, regardless of what one hears, can obviously impose a barrier to sexual enjoyment. Whether it be chronic or periodic, it is probable that all of us are offenders now and then, because the condition is no respecter of persons. Unfortunately, we may not be aware of it unless told; and everyone, even husband and wife, shares a reluctance to inform in this respect. Between marriage partners, however, it should be pointed out for the good of both.

In summary, the continuous fulfillment of a man's sexual needs can be achieved only when every vestige of sexual self-consciousness is entirely divorced from his mate, and when his technique in the art of sexual intercourse is perfect—because it is an art. Unless a woman can be conditioned to a complete abandonment of all inhibitions, no amount of mastery by her husband with regard to sexual procedure is sufficient to guarantee him a life of complete sexual harmony.